Let’s Talk About Sex
Creative writing teachers often tell you that there are a thousand ways that things can be described. ‘Freshly rendered,’ as we editors and writers say. Well, I hate to tell you this, but when it comes to sex scenes in fiction, this mantra doesn’t hold up. The problem with writing about sex is that the scenes often end up sounding either like a Mills and Boon novel, grunge or light porn. How do you describe what’s happening without resorting to cliché? Do you use the anatomically correct names? Many people tell me that vagina and penis sound too clinical. However, giving body parts pet names makes the writing immature. Pussy, for example. Just don’t. It doesn’t purr or meow. And it smacks of early eighties calendar girls with very long nails and rhinestone G-strings. ‘Down there’ sounds like a mining expedition, or Tasmania. ‘Throbbing member’ is reminiscent of a federal politician who’s all talk and no action. Steer clear of euphemisms, similes, and figurative language.
So, how do you write about the sex act? These are decisions that writers have to make. It’s up to you if you are going to use a priapic euphemism or imagery but I would suggest that whatever way you write it make sure that the feelings of your characters are the priority. Make sure that your readers care about the character and how a particular act makes them feel. Even if they feel nothing for each other and the act is just pure physical enjoyment, this still has to be done in a way that doesn’t end up reading like porn, unless that is the writer’s intention. It’s a good idea to describe the sensation as well as the physicality of the event. We have five senses, so describe them, use them and see what happens. Don’t just make it about genitalia. The look in people’s eyes can be just as sexy as the act itself. Real people generally do not talk like phone sex workers, so unless your characters are role-playing I would avoid this. It will make your writing appear cheap and nasty. If that’s your intention, fine, but if not, find other ways. Real people have funny things happen during sex so, depending on what’s happening in your fiction, you might want to write in some light relief or laugh out loud humour. Like sex itself, readers generally do not want to go from one paragraph where people are attracted to each other in a bar, and in the next paragraph it’s all on, and then by paragraph three it’s all over. If your protagonist is doing this then you need to slow it down. Give the scene some fore-writing. Build up the tension. Slowly. Use dialogue. Use what’s going on inside a character’s head. If the relationship is not working for the character, then yes, he or she may be having sex but also thinking about what to cook for dinner the next night or how to get the children to stop fighting.
It’s difficult to find a happy medium between being smutty and being bland but the way to make it easier to write is to know your character. You know what your character likes to eat, drink and watch. You know what sort of clothes they prefer, what type of people they are attracted to, their fantasies and what they would like to do between the sheets. There is nothing wrong with an element of surprise either. You know your character’s psychological make-up. It’s up to you to transfer this to the reader.
Some of the best writing is completely bereft of sex scenes, so don’t just put one in because that’s what you think a publisher will want. It’s about context. And necessity. Ask yourself: Does this piece of writing need a sex scene? Make sure your characters are well-rounded and believable. To follow a character’s journey, readers need to invest in that character.
If your characters are not believable, or likeable to some extent, then readers won’t care whether they’re having the best orgasm of their lives or they’re stopping half-way through because the game is about to start.